As I wrote "relationships" as the title of my blog today, I realized it's Valentine's Day. So no matter how you feel about the day, whether it's a consumerism holiday or you are a romantic at heart and are creating a romantic experience with a significant other, today is the day to talk about relationships in general.
For most people, when they hear "relationship," they think romantic and sexual. However, there are a few things I want to mention about relationships. One is the sexualization of relationships and the loss of natural, connecting relationships.
Let's talk sex first and get that out of the way. It seems that our culture sexualizes all relationships. A case in point is " the work wife/husband," the "bromance." These terms sexualize all relationships and may potentially actually harm what can be necessary relationships as we humans are social creatures, and we need other people. With 40 percent of marriages ending in divorce and gray divorce ( which is divorces of people over the age of 50y) increasing, marriages are perhaps vulnerable, sensitive relationships that need to be nurtured and not threatened by the careless thinking of attaching " husband/and wife" to other relationships that are important but need to be called by what they are friendships. There is nothing wrong with friendships between men and women, but like all relationships, they need boundaries and are not "marriages," so let's not go there. Of course, one reader may be challenging what I am saying. This is not meant for one person but as a collective societal issue that needs to be changed as a culture and is not for the person reading this and challenging me. Also, when I say "marriage," it's in the general term, and I include committed relationships, whether legally married or not. Let's not sexualize our friendships but nurture them as they are or should be, healthy relationships, transparent and not secretive.
Other relationships are professional relationships. For example, the family doctor. That's dead! How long have you known your primary care doctor? It used to be that pediatricians saw generations of people. There was trust, and guess what? By having that experience, health care is technically better. If my doctor treated my family members, they would know my medical history and where to look as I age. But today, that is practically gone. Because of their insurance, I have known people who have had more than one doctor in a year. Not specialists but the "gatekeeper,"/ family / primary care doctors, as they are known in the industry, since they provide authorizations for specialists.
In general, we are not kind to others, and we are not kind to ourselves. We have a disconnect. Most people's parents divorce and search for other relationships, and some go through multiple relationships, never really becoming vulnerable and secure. This results in intergenerational trauma, as when one person experiences this, their children do as well. This is replicated from one generation to the other as they did not learn how to have a healthy relationship from their parents.
We throw the word LOVE out there, but we must start loving ourselves with our warts, wrinkles, and grays. Our love handles cuteness and greatness. If we can't accept and love ourselves, we can't give someone what we don't possess.
Let's fight to keep our relationships, have friends, keep our wives and husbands, be kind, and don't do to others what we don't want to be done to us. Friends and coworkers are just that. They don't have to be called family or spouses. So keep it accurate, and as you make daily decisions, look at and appreciate the value of keeping long-term friendships, professional relationships, and all relationships.
Thank you for reading
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