Early on Thanksgiving month 2025

 Today is November 6th, I am writing this at 4:04 am. Yes, I slept but the time change has messed with my dog's mind, and she needed to be fed at 3am or she felt she was going to die. No, she did not tell me that, but her urgency indicated that. This is not about the dog though.

So, being up I went about my business. I got the mail. There was the Trader Joe's flyer that I seem to get every holiday season. Unfortunately, it triggered a myriad of thoughts and feelings. 

November 1st many SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) recipients did not receive their benefits, so they don't have money to buy food. That being said, there are some local efforts including good Samaritans and food banks. There is basically a mess with judges' opinions and politicians doing whatever it is they do but it all appears to be a royal mess and there aren't pretty or fancy words for it. 

As I looked at the Trader Joe's flyer I saw the expansive list of items for sale, the recipes and the stories about how Thanksgiving may look. Turkey Trots then a great meal etc, etc. 

So, what will Thanksgiving look for those SNAP benefit recipients that may not have money or resources to provide a holiday meal? What if they receive the same flyer. That pains me. 

Social media has become a cesspool. Yep, I said it. Go there and watch videos of people criticizing and saying negative things about SNAP recipients. We can do better as a society. A society where I have heard "empathy" be considered wrong and a weakness. Needless to say, I have never seen such vile thinking and speaking in my various trips around the sun. I am not a Spring chicken. 

I am not sure what we can do, but perhaps those who are able, can donate to a food bank, ask friends and neighbors over to Thanksgiving and maybe ask them if they need anything and help them out. Call churches, temples and see if they have anything planned. If you belong to a civic or community organization, get together and donate, create and do. 

Empathy is not a dirty word. SNAP assistance is there for a reason. Do not judge. 

Share some caring and dare I say love around, it seems to go full circle and does enrich your life. Ugliness, selfishness and nastiness is poison. Botox and surgery does not fix that.

Let's hope that the SNAP situation is resolved. Food insecurity should not be happening. 

"girlfriend" watches video of "boyfriend" getting married to his "girlfriend?"

 

ocid=entnewsntp&pc=HCTS&cvid=d34fd9799aee4940b5108d45476c4451&ei=13https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/what-is-the-franck-arnaud-tiktok-wedding-drama-expose-goes-viral-with-text-receipts-and-more/ar-AA1Jz7LQ?

What is the Franck Arnaud TikTok wedding drama? Expose goes viral with text receipts and more

https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/what-is-the-franck-arnaud-tiktok-wedding-drama-expose-goes-viral-with-text-receipts-and-more/ar-AA1Jz7LQ?ocid=entnewsntp&pc=HCTS&cvid=d34fd9799aee4940b5108d45476c4451&ei=13

Yes, my brain hurts and it's going around in circles. How can this happen? 

Social media is exposing some truly wild things. I guess it is true that reality is weirder than fiction. 

Where is the community? No one saw anything. No one "talked" to anyone? Do we now live in an era where people condone and enable cheating and just plain bad behavior. 

Grant it. There must be trauma here and some issues with attachment but come on! At best could the "community does not help this man get psychological help and work on his attachment and trust issues?

Yes, hurt people hurt people but apparently this went on for years. 

We must do better as a society and community. We need to assess how we perhaps at an individual as well as community level need to stop enabling and perhaps even encouraging this type of lying. It's not cute, it's not sexy and it's not cool

Thoughts?  

The Myth that Women Initiate Divorces

 Yes, I will call it a myth. Yes, women do start the divorce process, but the question is why.

This here is a stereotypical case. 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/entertainment-celebrity/hugh-jackman-s-ex-deborra-lee-furness-files-for-divorce-after-27-years-of-marriage/ar-AA1FATM8?ocid=socialshare&pc=HCTS&cvid=469c9280b45d485eb13f7fecf0c9a01a&ei=42

If you scroll the social media, you will read vile and ugly comments from men about women. The comments are rooted in the apparent belief that women are gold-diggers and women mindlessly file for divorce.

However, if you read this link, you will see that the husband not only left, but he also went public with another partner. This is not uncommon and sometimes they move from the marital home into the "girlfriend's" home and tell the children the girlfriend's children are their new siblings. 

I say that in these cases what women do is clean the mess that men have created by creating a new "family" while legally married to someone else. Since women are the filers or the "cleaner uppers", their name is the first on the divorce papers so statistically they are the ones who start the divorce and are therefore villainized. However, they are not villains just "cleaner uppers" and appropriately dealing with the situation. 

 

More Politics?! Finding peace if you do not agree with current events.

A few days ago, was one year I blogged last. WOW! 

There is much going on in the United States now. There is much fighting/arguing/divisiveness which is never a great thing for any of us. 

I find that there are people somewhat criticizing others for not doing "anything" or "enough" while there are those at protests every weekend. I have come across people with a myriad of emotions and feeling hopeless. 

This entry is for those that wish they could do more and just can't find the time or energy. I want to remind everyone of a few things. 

Trauma reaction: 

Flight/fight/freeze

Some people are feeling traumatized. In a nation of immigrants there may be triggers from personal experience or even inter-generational l trauma. If you are frozen right now, work on healing yourself first. Please do not let others make you feel bad. 

Personality:

Introvert/Extrovert

We all cope differently. Some of us need to cocoon and find our space, others get energy from being among others. Each is OK. Heal thy self. 

At this time in history small steps are meaningful and in fact may be the needed mustard seed. 

Join in social media and sharing

Donating to ACLU and others

Driving a friend to a march

Cooking a meal for a friend or babysitting so a friend can go to a march

all these things are valuable. Take care of your emotional and physical needs. Understand that you are OK. 

Please cocoon if you must. Rest up. 

Hope this short note helps you. 

Politics, Health, Control and Caring?

 https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/newsom-signs-bill-to-ban-popular-snacks-due-to-cancer-causing-chemicals/ss-BB1lRJvN?ocid=socialshare&pc=HCTS&cvid=22ee45b4acfb45d5e420246e0fcdf9b3&ei=14#image=3

So Governor Gavin plans to ban some snacks. Responses may range from calling him a kill joy commy pinko to a caring public official. Let's step aside from politics for a second, although " the personal is political" ( origin unknown) 

There is a rise of many illnesses, and new illnesses and diseases are added to the list frequently. The age to have your first colonoscopy is now 45 years from the original 50. New cases of colon cancer are seen in much younger folks. What is going on? 

Did you know that some ingredients or chemicals in our food are illegal outside the USA? I have been thinking for a long time that the citizenry of the USA needs to become more mindful of what is in our food. Children need to be taught nutrition. 

Did you know that nutrition is not a subject taught in school? Our food either fuels us or poisons us. 

Would you put bad gasoline in your gas-powered car? Not if you expected to go from point A to B. If we don't start reading labels and being more mindful of what we eat, we won't be getting from point A to B either. 

Also, it's not just about being something with a label, such as a vegan or vegetarian; it is about paying attention. Many vegan foods we buy to substitute for meat contain not just chemicals but are loaded with sodium, and that affects us, too. 

If you can't pronounce what is on the label, put it back. If, by description, it is sodium full, put it down. 

Did you know that one famous "sandwich" franchise was once found to have the same chemical used in yoga mats in their bread?  Subway: No more "yoga mat" chemical in our bread - CBS News

Take time to read and learn about food, how it comes to our tables, and how it is processed, and let's work on being healthy. 

The Epstein list ....................

 I wrote this elsewhere and wanted to share

In a sexualized society, women’s appearance is held as a commodity. Girls as young as eight begin feeling unhappy with their bodies. Women’s value is their sexuality and appearance. Women, indirectly and at times directly, are taught the value of the male gaze. Boys grow up to be men who use the learned value of women’s attractiveness as a prize or what is culturally called a trophy.

Sex trafficking has been downplayed and minimized since young, attractive women are thought of as entertainment for men, especially wealthy men.

I don’t think the men in Epstein’s list, while they participated in the abuse of women, truly understood or understand their role in sex trafficking. Some may have, but some may not have.

When you go to a strip club, you may be sponsoring sex trafficking, you hire an escort, you may be sponsoring sex trafficking. When you watch porn, you may be sponsoring sex trafficking.

I can imagine people debating the above, so I will dissect it.

Historically, women are raised and trained to be caregivers and to care what others think about them and care about others. Some to this day discuss " women's work," which consists of caring for children, husbands, inlaws and just about everyone. Even in workplaces, who plans the work gatherings, makes coffee, and sets up any kind of "hospitality"- women! But you knew that, right?

Women are expected to look a certain way as their value is in how they look, and thereby they can pair and partner themselves "better" while looking a certain way. Women historically have and do die and suffer to "look good".

Interestingly enough, women are paid less to begin with but are expected to take care of their looks. Scroll social media Reels and Tick Tock, and check out the manicures! The eyelashes! The girdle type apparatus, the shoes. I actually felt hip pain looking at the shoes someone was wearing in a picture. They were sitting down, but I wondered if they could even walk. The platforms alone! But I digress. Girls grow into women insecure about their looks based on observation of the culture we have created. So much time is spent on hair coloring, defrizzing, extending, getting lashes, getting long, bejeweled nails. One video I came across was a person actually demonstrating how to wipe themselves after a bowel movement. I am serious! I guess because when it comes to extra long, bejeweled nails, that is the first question asked.

Now, sex trafficking. How it starts.

So there already is an environment where women are expected to look a certain way, and when they do, they have value.

Men are socialized to be not only with "beautiful" women but many. Like the culture labels them, trophies. The jokes and memes are that when "an average-looking man" is with a "beautiful" woman, he must have money. Whereas "beauty" is the currency for women, hard cash is the currency for men. It's not necessarily easy for men, either, but that's another blog entry. Why do I use so many quotes? Because beauty is subjective and in the eye of the beholder.

I have mentioned before elsewhere that everyone wants to be cool and not make negative comments regarding porn or strip clubs; even cisgender, heterosexual couples go to strip clubs.

While I am not generalizing that strip clubs and porn are involved in sex trafficking, there are some that are. Young girls and some young men may be recruited through online games and other online activities. How? There are adults who pretend to be teens, befriend minors and eventually become their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" meet up and eventually may be drugged, and the downward spiral begins. These predators are very good at what they do, and find the space to come into kids' lives. An argument with a parent leads to the predator beginning a narrative of how bad and unloving the parent is, and they, the predator, are the only ones there for them. This predator, after they have ingratiated themselves in the kid's life, may then proceed to have the child/teen work at strip clubs or work as an escort or prostitute and provide them (the predator) with the money earned. Porn also is a large industry these situations may lead to. Production of porn is low cost and online.

Once in that world, the child, teen, and eventual adult are controlled by the predator. Drugs play a role as they are provided drugs for initial control and then as a coping mechanism. Getting out of this is difficult, especially when it is a young victim, because their experiences and knowledge of the world are limited.

So that, in a nutshell, is why I say that if you watch porn, attend strip clubs, gentlemen's clubs, or hire an escort, you may be sponsoring sex trafficking and not knowing it. This may be the case for some on the Epstein list. In their mind, they were "just enjoying the company of women," but it may not have been consensual. What consenting adults do is one thing. Consent is the key. Consent is the key in any relationship. Consent, Consent. Minors can not consent, and women under the control of a trafficker can not consent. Also, remember that when there is a minor and an adult, the adult is responsible. Minors can not seduce adults!

Book Banning?! How it will further hurt our culture.

 Greetings from Florida, where books are being banned by the governor. Teachers may only have "preapproved books" in the classroom, and recently, a teacher was in trouble for showing students a Disney movie. Oh, yes, the governor is also fighting Mickey Mouse and Disney. Please Google that because I would need several pages of a book and not a blog to explain that one. 

If you follow this blog, you may have noticed a change. I am now Dr. Libia, and it just so happened that my research has been on using fiction, literature, and historical fiction in social work education. My doctorate is in social work, so I focused on social work education; however, the concept may be applied to any mental health profession and even to other professions that will work with patients or clients.  

The benefits of reading fiction are building empathy, critical thinking, and theory of mind. Let's just focus on empathy here. We live in a society where when we turn on the news or get alerts from news agencies, we see mass shootings at schools, malls, grocery stores, and just about anywhere where there are multitudes of people. Blame guns, the NRA, or whomever, but let's think this out. There are people out there who think nothing of walking into a place and shooting masses of people. I question their level of empathy. Something is not right. There is hatred, among other possible issues. 

Now, what did I learn in my research? I learned that there is increased blood flow to the brain when people are reading. There are differences between reading fiction vs nonfiction and reading fiction engages readers differently. Reading fiction is more social. Reading fiction increases empathy. So in a world that feels threatened by others that appear different from them, reading about others who may have a different sexual orientation, a different culture, or experience than us can help us build empathy for those people. Don't we need more empathy in this world? 

So I live in Florida and have to see how the hate culture is growing, and the masterminds of this hate are trying to present hate on a silver platter and attempting to fool everyone. As it is, the use of literature in social work education is common outside of the United States and limited in the United States. We need books, we need people to read, we don't need book banning. One can read something and choose to disagree with the author in an intelligent manner. It is painful to see book banning happening. That is truly unAmerican in my opinion. 

Adversity, illness, image, American life.....

 I came across this story as I turned on my computer. It seems controversial since I think every reader will have a different opinion. 

This news anchor has been working through cancer treatment, wearing a wig and false lashes. After nearly a year, she's taking it all off. (msn.com) 

Based on what I have been exposed to and heard from people, I think the following issues may come up. 

"We work through illness in the USA because we don't have a governmental safety net " 

"But female anchors have a certain aesthetic" 

" She should be at home resting" 

 My heart warmed at the fact that she was not fired, and Kudos to the station. This gave her an opportunity to keep her purpose and some sense of normalcy as she was getting treatment. I believe that as long as she can work, based on her health status, she should. 

It must have been difficult to remove her "safety" and "comfort" wig and lashes. She did it, and great for her. She has very short hair and is gray. She looks great and natural. I think it is wonderful that gray hair is now in style because it should be. We are all headed there, and we should celebrate the fact that we have those gray hairs. They symbolize a life lived and knowledge acquired. Most importantly, in her case, she has received treatment, as she says, for an "aggressive cancer that grew within a year"

Kuddos and " mad respect" to her, her colleagues, and the station. 

Please be kind to each other. We are all battling something even if we don't show it. 

Thank you for reading! 

Relationships. Not just the romantic ones.............

 As I wrote "relationships" as the title of my blog today, I realized it's Valentine's Day. So no matter how you feel about the day, whether it's a consumerism holiday or you are a romantic at heart and are creating a romantic experience with a significant other, today is the day to talk about relationships in general. 

For most people, when they hear "relationship," they think romantic and sexual. However, there are a few things I want to mention about relationships. One is the sexualization of relationships and the loss of natural, connecting relationships. 

Let's talk sex first and get that out of the way. It seems that our culture sexualizes all relationships. A case in point is " the work wife/husband," the "bromance." These terms sexualize all relationships and may potentially actually harm what can be necessary relationships as we humans are social creatures, and we need other people. With 40 percent of marriages ending in divorce and gray divorce ( which is divorces of people over the age of 50y) increasing, marriages are perhaps vulnerable, sensitive relationships that need to be nurtured and not threatened by the careless thinking of attaching " husband/and wife" to other relationships that are important but need to be called by what they are friendships. There is nothing wrong with friendships between men and women, but like all relationships, they need boundaries and are not "marriages," so let's not go there. Of course,  one reader may be challenging what I am saying. This is not meant for one person but as a collective societal issue that needs to be changed as a culture and is not for the person reading this and challenging me. Also, when I say "marriage," it's in the general term, and I include committed relationships, whether legally married or not. Let's not sexualize our friendships but nurture them as they are or should be, healthy relationships, transparent and not secretive. 

Other relationships are professional relationships. For example, the family doctor. That's dead! How long have you known your primary care doctor? It used to be that pediatricians saw generations of people. There was trust, and guess what? By having that experience, health care is technically better. If my doctor treated my family members, they would know my medical history and where to look as I age. But today, that is practically gone. Because of their insurance, I have known people who have had more than one doctor in a year. Not specialists but the "gatekeeper,"/ family / primary care doctors, as they are known in the industry, since they provide authorizations for specialists.  

In general, we are not kind to others, and we are not kind to ourselves. We have a disconnect. Most people's parents divorce and search for other relationships, and some go through multiple relationships, never really becoming vulnerable and secure. This results in intergenerational trauma, as when one person experiences this, their children do as well. This is replicated from one generation to the other as they did not learn how to have a healthy relationship from their parents.  

We throw the word LOVE out there, but we must start loving ourselves with our warts, wrinkles, and grays. Our love handles cuteness and greatness. If we can't accept and love ourselves, we can't give someone what we don't possess. 

Let's fight to keep our relationships, have friends, keep our wives and husbands, be kind, and don't do to others what we don't want to be done to us. Friends and coworkers are just that. They don't have to be called family or spouses. So keep it accurate, and as you make daily decisions, look at and appreciate the value of keeping long-term friendships, professional relationships, and all relationships.

Thank you for reading

Marriage. 2 careers. How much to flex. Divorce?

 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/careersandeducation/i-moved-twice-for-my-spouse-s-career-then-we-got-divorced-here-s-what-the-experience-taught-me/ar-AA15HycZ?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=e520321adbde45fdefb57e8c38e12d83

This story obviously does not give the day-to-day,  living in a relationship and looking at it in hindsight are two different things. 

Things to ponder: 

What was discussed before the marriage and as "sacrifices" were being made? 

Were the two parties prioritizing the relationship? 

What was the "power" status in that marriage? What was the power dynamic based on? Meaning- was she socialized to follow her husband? Was she seen as "less" because of being a wife, making less or was her flexibility in appeasing her husband seen as a weakness by him? 

While she may have been socialized to follow her husband, he may view that as a weakness.

Any self-esteem issues on her part? 

Narcissism on his part?

There are many dynamics at play here. Yes, a prenup is an excellent idea. 

During the marriage, the goal of the marriage does supersede the individual goals of the partners. If you want the marriage to work, it has to be the priority. 

Cheating. Is it cheating? But are they separated? Legally married? But they should be happy? Consequences?

https://s2.dmcdn.net/v/USOr41ZZzg3Si1Vpj/x720

https://s2.dmcdn.net/v/USOr41ZZzg3Si1Vpj/x720

 So this month, we are bombarded all over the internet with the alleged affair between two co-anchors/co-workers on Good Morning America morning show. It's everywhere, so just turning the computer, I see and, well, read all about it. 

What I have learned is: both are legally married, the male has been described as a "serial cheater," and they have been taken off the air at this time.  

So that happened but what is more interesting is people's comments on social media. Many condone the affair as these people " are entitled to happiness." 

 I have heard that commentary for many years where people justify having an affair as their right to be happy. Sadly, that "happiness" does not last long since there are consequences to affairs that range from their kids developing emotional issues to divorce and living with guilt for a lifetime.

Now, let's think about something. How is an affair going to help your relationship?  Between the hormones making you crazy and having you think you "love this person" and the time, not to mention the money you are spending outside of your relationship, in fact, you are killing your relationship. Logic, but there is rarely any logic in an affair, would dictate that if there are issues, they need to be worked on. There has to be communication; there are therapists, clergy, friends, and others to reach out to. Oh, but friends. So many times, friends will be complicit in the affair because they have subscribed to the thought that " my friend is entitled to being happy." 

It doesn't appear to be cool to redirect people to their spouses and to work things out. People are encouraged to be bold, sexy, cool, and cheat. For many men having multiple women is a status thing. I heard  a man joke about men having "the girlfriend, the mistress, and the wife."  Women as toys and property, I guess. 

 Writing about this is not easy because it is controversial in that no one wants to be " uncool," and I am being totally "uncool" now by saying cheating helps no one. Perhaps I need to define cheating. Cheating is not only having sexual intercourse with a person you are not in a committed relationship with when in fact, you are also in a committed relationship with someone else. It can be email and text messages that you would hide or conceal from your partner. 

 Relationships are not easy, and nothing worthwhile in life will be easy. There will be ups and downs, and you have to work through that. If it comes to unbearable terms, then explore divorce and not cheating.  I have not discussed the effects of being cheated on or of parents cheating. I think that would make this blog entry too long, but children of parents who cheat can develop trust issues if not addressed properly. There is Betrayal Trauma, and cheating causes more pain than those few hours of alleged "happiness." 

When I hear stories of people cheating, I am concerned not only for the person cheated on but the children. Their trust and innocence are shattered. 

If you are telling your kids that you are divorcing or separating, please don't tell them, " mommy and daddy are divorcing because we don't love each other" that will make your child wonder when mommy and daddy will stop loving them. You can tell them that you and the other parent have problems, and can't get along, just don't say the love died.

As a society, let's try not to condone affairs; they will happen, and let's try to help these people instead of encouraging their self-destructive ways.  

Thanks for reading. Affairs hurt others and eventually hurt the person having an affair. Listen to those who share their problems and affairs, be brave to help them find another solution, and learn that an affair is not the best way. Too many people get hurt, including the person initiating the affair. 

What do we do with this? Are parents wrong for not letting their kids play outside?

 Missing 7-year-old North Texas girl found dead; FedEx driver arrested (msn.com)

This story was one of the ones that popped up when I opened my computer. As the story reads, the child was at home, a package was delivered, and the child disappeared. Her lifeless body was found later, and it was reported that she died within one hour of the package being delivered. 

There are no words to describe this, which is difficult to digest and accept. People should be free to be at home doing whatever they must or want to do. This includes children. I know that I have adolescent and young children clients that tell me they are not allowed to go for walks or ride their bikes without their parents, and their parents are either at work or doing chores so the children and teens stay home either doing homework, playing with their phones or on computer games. Those online computer games merit their own blog entry, as I have had clients who have had disturbing experiences online. 

I, again, will tell you that I do not have the answers. It's not FedEx's fault; how could they have known? I always say that background checks have their limits, as known offenders are known because they were caught at some point. You can almost argue that the most dangerous perpetrators have no record because they have not been caught.  The step-parent/parent is not at fault. Who worries that the delivery person will kidnap and kill your child? 

There seems to be a lot of discussion on mental health, but if we think about it, it's getting more difficult these days to remain mentally healthy. Covid has taught us that our friends with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder were on to something. We started following their lead with handwashing. We initially started getting more anxious and fearful of contracting COVID as we were afraid to die. We now live with plexiglass dividers everywhere,  the one's banks started using when they were robbed at gunpoint several decades ago. 

We are spending much energy keeping ourselves functioning in an uncertain COVID world with changes in how we deal with people and how we work. We are all learning to spend more time in isolation. In isolation, we have to deal with whatever demons we carry. In a pre-COVID world, we could run literally and figuratively from these demons but not during COVID. We have to deal with ourselves and our emotions. 

In this quest to keep ourselves emotionally and mentally healthy, we must balance the fact that people are doing bad things while also maintaining a healthy lifestyle where we are not isolated and hermetically sealed at home. 

We are social creatures, and we need community for survival. It takes time to get to know people and to trust them. In our current society, we think nothing about moving away for college, moving away for work, or moving away for retirement. Each time we move, we rip at our roots and are replanted somewhere else. With each move, it could be argued that you weaken the core of yourself and become less centered and less grounded. It used to be when we moved into a community, there were others there that had lived there for many years and had a history. In today's world, we move into a newly constructed development; everyone is new, and no one trusts anyone, especially those with children.  Maybe we can work at staying longer in one place, keeping lifelong friends, breaking up and divorcing less, and just build community. While building community is not a definite solution to this, there will be more connection, more trust, less isolation, and more help to reduce the stressors that are hurting us today.  Less fighting, more connection. Bad things will always happen, but we must maintain a healthy lifestyle, emotionally and physically.  We all need to go outside and take in the sun and breeze. We must find ways to feel safe and free while also being aware of our surroundings. We need to maintain a balance.

Are we accepting mass shootings as a new norm?

It is the morning before Thanksgiving, and I woke up to a New York Times alert of a mass shooting at a Walmart in Chesapeake, Virginia, at about 10:30pm last night.  It's Wednesday and Sunday I woke up to an alert that there was a mass shooting at Q Club in Colorado Springs, Colorado.  

Now, these community names sound pretty harmless, unlike the general public's perception of large urban areas. I am just saying I don't know the details of these communities, but these two locations succumbed to mass shootings. 

Saturday night is when friends and families get together to unwind, have a good time, and basically chill and relax after a week of school, work and responsibilities. People having harmless fun in the "land of the free" yet not being "free." 

Tuesday night, before Thanksgiving,  is a time to get the necessary items for Thanksgiving, which is Thursday. I, myself, was at the local grocery store in the morning, and the store was packed with people buying for Thanksgiving; also because most grocery stores aren't open on Thursday, and those that open will have lines at the checkout line that can go across the store. Yes, I have seen those lines, and they can give anyone a panic attack. 

Out at Walmart buying for Thanksgiving, tired from working all day with one more work day ahead, and someone comes in and shoots and kills you or your family and friends. This is not the first time this has happened. Is this the new norm? Back in May of this year, in Buffalo, a gunman entered a grocery store, and yes, another mass shooting. The victims were there to pick up a cake or food items for family get-togethers. Have you ever run into a grocery store to pick up a pastry for a friend? To celebrate an event? I have. I just did not expect to be killed doing that. Mass shootings have happened at job sites, schools, hospitals, traffic, subways, grocery stores, and everywhere. Do you feel safe?

It is unknown the thought process in the killer's mind last night, he is dead, and initial reports say he may have "taken his own life."  Club Q is called a hate crime because it was an LGBTQA  club, and there will be a slew of chargers. 

HATE . A disease that some people carry within them that motivates them to go and kill ( take the life away from another human).  

A society with hate is a sick society. It does not matter what their economy is like, how well they are perceived as doing, what the stock market is like, and please, is it really a "first world" when you can't go grocery shopping without fearing being murdered?

We live in a country where politicians comment about the size of each other's hands during a Presidential debate. There is more decorum at a high school debate competition, and there is better behavior at a high school student government meeting than at the United States Congress. 

There is pettiness and stubbornness. Government and legislation are being treated like athletic teams.

 There was a time in my lifetime when Conservatives and Liberals could work together for the country we all reside in. Perhaps I will be accused of being biased, but my observation is that Republicans are more focused on winning ( for their team, Team Republican) and are forgetting their real purpose. 

How long are we going to wake up to mass shootings? Hopefully, they will stop before we find ourselves in the wrong place and are shot and killed.  If you are reading this, think about it and what you can do. Are you willing to contact your legislators? Let's look beyond the idea of everyone carrying a gun. If one is shopping, one is focused and on task. The gunman has the upper hand because they have planned and are ready. Also, everyone shooting in an enclosed area will kill more people. Think about it. We have to focus beyond the idea of everyone carrying a gun. This means everyone is ready to kill. That is the core of this problem, killing. 

I think we need to explore where the hate is coming from. Is it social, financial, or psychiatric? Whatever it is, let's try and find out. Hatred is a disease that destroys the carrier and those around them. We can do better. We must do better. 

Women and Babies......

 https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/entertainment-celebrity/a-decision-has-been-made-about-the-future-of-the-kelly-clarkson-show-more-news-icymi/ss-AA13ZJZ3?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=6ea93dac665d4d2f88e8f88ef775887a#image=3

https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/entertai

nment-celebrity/a-decision-has-been-made-about-the-future-of-the-kelly-clarkson-show-more-news-icymi/ss-AA13ZJZ3?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=6ea93dac665d4d2f88e8f88ef775887a#image=3

Why ask why but I still ask why? Why are reports of Jennifer Anston's inability to get pregnant and her feelings about not having thought to freeze her eggs etc.? Why now, and do we care or need to know. 

Since I am a product of the national distrust in this country, I ask, is there an ulterior motive?  

As women, we are supposed to be sweet and nice and everything nice. We are supposed to be "happy domestic" women.  

Could it be that Jennifer is on the verge of busting out with a new movie or project, and making her vulnerable and sad about not having had children is a ploy to get her "liked better?" 

While I don't have the stats about women without children, it happens every day that women do not become mothers for various social and medical reasons. 

It is not our business why she did not have children, freeze her eggs, or use a surrogate. 

And if she did not want to have children or just never got pregnant, that does not minimize her skills and talent as an entertainer. 

We can like or dislike Jennifer as an entertainer by delving into her personal or reproductive life. 

  

Interesting priorities

 What are our cultural priorities? Do we care about others?  Is profit the primary motivator?

This morning on National Public Radio (NPR), I heard gas prices had decreased. However, insulin prices are high, and some American families must travel to Canada because they cannot afford insulin. As I hear this, I think about the Affordable Care Act (ACA) and the political opposition to the Act.

One of the goals of the ACA was to have everyone with health insurance coverage (Manchikanti et al., 2017). If everyone is covered and has access to health care, it suggests a healthier community and country. Is health not a right for human beings and animals even?

When gasoline prices increased, there was outrage. However, for healthcare, specifically insulin, there does not appear to be the same outrage. I wonder why? Is it we blame the victim? The person did something to cause their diabetes? Did the parents of children with diabetes do something wrong?

Did you know that in 1923 the patent for insulin was sold for $1.00? The patent owners wanted insulin to be available for everyone who needed it (The Soaring Cost of Insulin, n.d.) In today’s social-economic climate, the goal seems to be profit. Insulin prices are so high that  people with diabetes have to ration their insulin which ultimately affects their health and well-being (Huang, 2019).

Perhaps it is time for introspection. What do we want as Americans? As people? And for others in our society? Where is our empathy? If our brothers and sisters are strong, we are strong. Each one of us being healthy in mind and body makes a strong and healthy nation.

 Thank you for reading. 

 

References

Huang, B. (2019, November 14). Insulin rationing led to daughter’s death, lehigh valley woman says. high cost forces many diabetics to do the same. The Morning Call. https://www.mcall.com/health/mc-hea-insulin-rationing-poverty-20191114-2a5yaasyrbaute57t6dyo3leam-story.html

Manchikanti, L., MD, Helom, S., III, Benyamin, R. M., MD, & Hirsch, J. A., MD. (2017). A critical analysis of Obamacare: Affordable care or insurance for many and coverage for few. Pain Physician Journal, (20), 111–138. www.painphysicianjournal.com

The soaring cost of insulin. (n.d.). CBC. https://www.cbc.ca/radio/whitecoat/blog/the-soaring-cost-of-insulin-1.4995290#:~:text=In%201923%2C%20the%20patent%20for%20insulin%20was%20sold,the%20U.S.%20And%20that%20has%20implications%20for%20Canada.

 

 

I was thinking. I think we need the Oprah book club back.

 I was thinking. I think we need the Oprah book club back.

I hear from many people about their stress and how they feel that people do not care, are rude, and feel that humanity is not in a good place. Of course, we can blame COVID and other stressors, but the reality is that we can be living better and treating each other better. Common observation and complaint is the nastiness of the comments people make to each other and comments about “ cancel culture,” which means different things to different people. However, the reality is a lack of forgiveness and the sense that people make mistakes but are perhaps taught about the problem so they can learn and do better next time. Another controversial term is “woke.” One would think that “woke” means awake and enlightened, but that is used to downplay a progressive idea.

I think we need Oprah’s book club back. This thought came to me as I was working on a presentation.  My presentation is on the use of fiction to assist medical and mental health providers in learning, among other things, to understand their minority clients. In fiction, the protagonist has a voice, I feel it is non-threatening and enlightens the reader about the protagonist's culture and experience. It’s a way to make us more sensitive to other people who may look different or speak differently, but once those layers are removed, we are all the same and want the same things from life.

Oprah’s book club started before everyone was overfocused on their phones, videos, and reels. Books were for sale everywhere, and you could pick one up at the coffee shop or grocery store. Then, once a month, Oprah would discuss the book. Oprah’s books often had a theme, family, family dysfunction, and child abuse/neglect to name a few that stood out for me. Perhaps some will be offended by “woke,” but let us wake up. We are all imperfect humans trying to do the best we can, let us focus on helping and caring for each other.

Thank you for reading.

College or Vocational Program?

 In the United States, the thought is that high school graduates will attend college and that is the road to success. 

That being said, we read reports of job sites halting projects because there are not enough electricians or plumbers for the job. 

There seems to be the belief that the only road to success is college. However, college graduates are leaving college or graduating with huge debt. Many times they have difficulty finding jobs and many are unhappy in their jobs. 

I don't think we have to persuade kids with low school motivation into trades but we need to allow children and teens to become aware of their strengths or "gifts" and help them find their place in the world. 

Some people are more agile than others when it comes to using tools and building, such a person would not be at peak joy in front of a computer analyzing data no matter how much money they make. 

We need to stop placing jobs and professions on scaffolding with certain jobs on top and others on the bottom. 

The person with callouses that builds furniture with a smile and passion is just as important as the person that buys that furniture for their medical office. The key is to find and help teens where they feel not just "passion" but a sense of pride and accomplishment by utilizing the strengths and " gifts" they were born with. 

One can also attend college and then become a house painter. College is about learning and growing. It seems as if we see college as a vocational institution but it truly is not. When we start college we all take the same classes and later focus on the core classes of our major. This is for intellectual growth that doesn't equate to a job. 

We live in a rather unhappy country and if you look up the statistics there is a lot of substance use and abuse, and a large number of people on antidepressants and antianxiety medication. Domestic violence, divorce and let's not forget mass shootings. We can and need to do better as a society. 

Let's look at our strengths, and our kids' strengths and quit being judgemental. Let's embrace all studies, all professionals including trades. 

Thank you for reading and think good thoughts! 

Learning to relax- it's a "work in progress" for many of us.

 It's Monday, and I wanted to gift you something. Trying this for a few minutes -as needed- during the day can be a good stress releaser. You can also begin or end your day with t

Let's talk about banging your head. Yes, head injuries.

 I am sure you have heard about comedian and actor Bob Saget and his death to head trauma that no one saw coming, including him.  This hits home for me as I was with a person, close to me, that fell , had a laceration a week before the conclusion of Bob Saget's autopsy came out. 

My situation was a person falling and having a gash on their head, seemed "ok" and of course there was blood. Fire Rescue was called and they seemed to think "maybe go to Urgent Care or ER for stitches."  

No one truly wants to head out to the ER after past experiences of at least a 6-hour wait in the ER and this was before COVID. 

So I took said person to Urgent Care, They walked in and seemed fine, got stitches but they recommended at Urgent Care that  I drive them or they could call an ambulance and go to the ER for a Cat Scan due to the person's age, just to make sure everything is OK. 

Fast forward to  Cat Scan and the person had a brain bleed and slight fracture. 

I am glad that we all followed medical recommendations. Not having known this information it could have had a very different outcome. 

I bring this up because we live in times where people don't listen to professionals and some people would have said, " oh, we will go tomorrow"- tomorrow would have been too late. 

Also, we hit our heads, touch it and move on. This may have been what Mr. Saget did. Honestly, I think I would have probably done the same thing. I now look back at all those times I hit my head throughout my life and think, wow, it could have gone so wrong. 

And a special shout out to people that ride bikes. WEAR A HELMET! I don't care what kind of bike or where you are riding, WEAR A HELMET! 

Thank you for reading.

WE live in a violent world, don't we?

 Ugh! turn on the computer and the headlines hit you whether you want to or not. When did getting a gun and shooting others become something that was OK to do?

Focusing just on guns, my highlights are that a woman was shot at a furniture store, and 6, I think minors, were shot at a Rap concert in Oregon. Not NYC, not Chicago, not Florida but Oregon. I don't think Oregon is a "big city" so this is happening everywhere. Forget about the shootings this past week, not going there now.

Somehow, people have learned to use guns to win arguments, express their power and just outright eliminate people.

I don't have the answers but this doesn't look good for the future of our society and country.

Prisons are not necessarily the solution as we have many of them, and they are full.

As trauma research, our question is not what is wrong with people but what happened to people. Intergenerational and historical trauma is a thing.

If we are dealing with trauma and a traumatized society with people dealing with trauma perhaps there is something we all can do.

Be the agent of change and treat yourself well and kindly as you treat others the same. Be the mustard seed of change, the change that we need. Kindness is not a weakness. That sounds like a start. Value kindness.